No Clue Ninja

Julia Mancuso, Wowowowowowowowowowow

2010-02-17T20:35:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry, what was all this hubbub about alleged sexpot skier Lindsay Vonn being all too hot for TV and stuff? Lindsay won gold for the US tonight and god bless her for that. And yeah she's not bad looking in a jocky kind of way, but while she was standing on top of the podium counting her Wheaties money and crying, I got like 17 emails from dudes being like "who the fuck is the chick on the left?" Talk about stealing a girl's thunder! Julia Mancuso you little minx! Wins the silver and makes penises twitch worldwide at the same damn time. I don't know where you came Julia from but you are smoke. Hottest Olypian since Alicia "Johnny" Sacramone.

ps. Judging from the top pic, I'm setting the over/under on her sex tape release date at 45 days.

One of Two Things Happened Right Before This Reaction Shot Was Taken at the State of the Union Last Night

2010-01-28T13:07:00.000-08:00

Either dude in the back center just ripped a very thorough fart, or Obama just announced he would repeal the "don't ask, don't tell" policy for gays in the military. (Judging from the pic, I'm not about to rule out the former, but the latter definitely happened.)

Now I know the joint chiefs are supposed to remain impassive during the State of the Union,
be inert, whatever, blah blah blah, but sometimes no reaction is the biggest reaction of all. And here, those reactions seem to range from "ill" to "wrathful". Something tells me this is going to be a bitter pill for the military to swallow.

And to be clear, the No Clue Ninja is a friend to the gays. Some (one) of my best friends are gay. And I'm with Chris Rock on this one. If gay dudes want to go over to Afghanistan and shoot terrorists, I say God bless 'em, because I'm sure as shit not not going over there. My couch is way too comfortable for that, thank you very much.

Avril Lavigne Guest Judges on American Idol

2010-01-27T09:57:00.000-08:00

I may be the only person in New York City who still watches American Idol, but I'm going to write about it anyway because this is my blog and I do what I want here. How about Avril Lavigne last night though? Here's a grown woman who comes to the audition dressed up like the little kid from Where the Wild Things Are, adds zero constructive criticism outside of turning her dumb head away from the camera and giggling at the contestants like a freshman girlfriend at the senior guy's lunch table, and generally acted like her shit doesn't stink, when in actuality, her shit smells like she ate a homeless person and feta cheese omelette for breakfast. But I digress. We get it Avril, you've made alot of money writing and performing your own songs about lollipops and rainbows, now STFU and get off the screen so we can watch Katy Perry and Kara bicker in a way that kind of makes me think they want to scissor or something.

Terrence Cody is Larger than We Realized

2010-01-27T08:21:00.000-08:00

MOBILE, ALA. — During two seasons at Alabama, nose tackle Terrence "Mount" Cody became a state landmark and a big-name attraction in the world of college football.
He also became an All-America and the anchor of the Crimson Tide's national championship defense in 2009.
But these days, Cody's size doesn't create quite the fascination it did in college. Instead, his weight — 370 pounds spread not so impressively on a 6-foot-4 frame — worries NFL decision-makers preparing for the draft.
Cody, 21, immediately raised concerns when he stepped onto the scale for the weigh-in preceding Saturday's Senior Bowl.
"At 370, he's a little sloppy," said NFL Network draft analyst Mike Mayock.

Jesus Christ, Terrence?! WTF dude? Have you been mainlining nothing but tapioca pudding to the neck since the National Championship game? What's going on here? The part of the Senior Bowl where they parade these young bucks in front of the judges in nothing but their underoos is nothing new. I mean, you knew it would come to this.* No meal plan though? No extra gassers after workouts? No workouts at all? Nothing? I guess you get some props for straight not giving a fuck, but seriously bro, you got some ENORMOUS boobs. Like straight up canisters. The stuff of legend. Kind of hard to stuff the run with those things smacking you in the jaw every other stride, no? Either way, if your lack of conditioning makes your draft stock plummet, you can always fall back on your promising rap career. That is you in the video, right?

*Yeah, check out his face, my man definitely knew it would come to this.

trying this out

2009-12-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

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